Seeking Satisfaction NOT Perfection - 9/14/21

One of the things that breast cancer has given me is the strength, knowledge & power to know that I don’t have to settle for things. Because of some of the amazing women in the breast cancer community who I have met since my diagnosis, I learned that it was okay to speak up and tell my plastic surgeon that I was not happy with my reconstruction results and that I wanted to do something about it. We hire these surgeons to put us back together after having our bodies altered because of breast cancer, so we have every right to be picky. I know that my body will never be perfect but who’s is? Well, maybe celebrities have almost perfect bodies, but I know that I will never rise to that status, so I am seeking satisfaction instead of perfection.

On September 27th I will be undergoing my FOURTH surgery in the past 12 months and hopefully my last for a long, long, long time. During this surgery, which will be around 4 hours in length, my plastic surgeon will remove my current implants, replace them with more cohesive ones (imagine gummy bear consistency), go up in size a tiny bit to fill in the breast pocket that was created during the expansion stage of my reconstruction, and then he will move some tissue/fat from my flanks/hips to my chest area to help fill in contour irregularities that were created due to the amount of breast tissue that was removed during my mastectomy procedure. No, I’m not getting a free tummy tuck as some people might think. None of this is done without a physical cost to me and it’s in no way the same thing other than the lipo procedure to harvest the fat cells. The “fat grafting” as it is called, will also help hide any remaining ripples that might still be visible because the skin on my chest is so thin. We know that the fat grafting is a crapshoot but if we’re going to do this right, we need to “throw the kitchen sink at it” as my plastic surgeon says. It will take about 3-4 months to find out how much of the fat survives the transfer.

We have been told that 50-60% takes, but with me not having to go through radiation OR chemo is working in my favor as it provides for a good, fertile surface for the fat cells to live.

Recovery will not be fun. Lots of bruising, swelling, and discomfort are all part of the package. I will have to wear a binder for 2-4 weeks to help keep pressure on my sides and back, a tight sports bra for 6 weeks 24/7, and I will also have to have the wonderful JP drains again like I had after my mastectomy to help remove any fluid that may build up in the surgical field after the procedure.

Please keep your fingers crossed that this works and allows me to look at myself in the mirror and see not only the battle scars of a warrior and the everlasting reminders of what breast cancer took from me but a body that I can accept and be satisfied with.

I’ve had a few Doctors appointments recently too. Last week I was able to see an endocrinologist about the nodules in my Thyroid. She told me that they were fluid-filled cysts and not to worry about them. I explained that that was easier said than done because I had heard that about my dense breast tissue for years and look what happened with that. So, like the rest of my body, I just need to be in tune with my thyroid and notify her of any changes that occur. If nothing comes up, we will do a repeat ultrasound to re-check them in a year. I also had my 1-year check-up with my breast surgeon today as well. It was pretty much a routine exam, checking for lumps or anything unusual and everything checked out okay. I will see her again in 6 months.

Other than those appointments, I’m starting a new aromatase inhibitor (the medication to help prevent recurrence because my cancer was hormone fed) tomorrow to see if it won’t give me the same amount of bone/joint pain that the last one did. I’m not expecting miracles since I’ve been off my last AI for 6 weeks and my pain really hasn’t subsided that much so I’m sure it’s more degenerative disease and not medication related but we’ll just have to wait and see. I just hate hurting all the time.

Everything else is pretty much status quo. Thank you for your continued prayers and well wishes. I appreciate the occasional “how are you doing” emails and text messages from friends and family and even from those of you who ask my family how I am. I hear about them all and they mean the world to me!

XOXO

L