Not Really An Update, More Like Sharing My Thoughts - 5/14/21

Through the breast cancer community, I recently came across an artist who was creating stickers from her artwork and this one was one I could not pass up. It says it so well I wanted to share my thoughts about it and why I got myself one. I have also had similar posts showing up in my social media feed this week, so it is clearly a hot topic right now.

I have tried my best through this CaringBridge page to keep things as real as possible. No, I have not shared all the gory details about everything, but I have tried not to hide most of my emotions when it comes to my Breast Cancer journey. To me, this page has not only been my way of keeping everyone updated about how I am doing because I know there are so many people who care about me, Tim & the boys and have been such an important part of our support system, but it has also been a pseudo-journal for me to record my thoughts and feelings about this entire roller coaster ride that I was forced to ride so that someday, I can look back on it and say “Wow! Look at what I did!”

There are many articles that are written on the topic about what you should/should not say to someone who has been diagnosed with breast cancer/or any cancer but they are not really something that someone WITHOUT cancer would be knowledgeable about or seek out to read just for the heck of it. Last August after we shared the news of my breast cancer diagnosis, I did not realize how much some of the comments that I would receive would affect me. I know a lot of times, when someone announces that they have been diagnosed with cancer, people struggle to find the right words to say. They want to say SOMETHING and provide comfort to the person or…. I don’t know, fill a “pregnant pause” in a conversation? Sometimes the comments are heartfelt, supportive, and meaningful but other times, there are ones that should have been stopped by the “filter” in the person’s mouth but were not.

Some of the most meaningful statements to say to someone diagnosed with breast cancer, or any form of cancer for that matter, are “I’m sorry that you are going through this”, “I don’t know what to say” or “I’m here to support you (your family) in any way I can”. All these statements convey that you are apologetic about the news and/or that you will help in any way you can if needed. They are simple and are enough.

Some of the statements that should be stopped at the “filter” are ones like “Breast cancer is the good cancer to get”, “You’ll be back to normal in no time”, “My Grandmother/Aunt/Friend was diagnosed with breast cancer and then she died”, “Have you tried XYZ to get rid of your cancer?”, ”You should just be thankful to be alive”, or “If it was me I’d….”; thankfully I never had to hear the “it’s only hair, it will grow back” comment. I could go on and on and give you more examples, but I think you get the point. If any of those are thoughts that happen to come into your mind to say to someone with a cancer diagnosis, it is best to just say “I’m sorry to hear about your news and I am sorry you are going through this” and stop.

While I heard some of the comments above from people who said them with only the best intentions and just did not realize what they were saying, there was one statement that got me the most and had the hardest time getting past - “Well at least you get a free boob job out of it”! And yes, believe it or not, I heard it or different variations of it more than once and each time it just cut me deeper and deeper to my core. A few times I even asked other women I know who had been through breast cancer treatment/mastectomy surgery if I was just being overly sensitive or overreacting and each time they said: “No you are not!”

A mastectomy does not mean a boob job, and it is anything BUT FREE.

In my case, it was my only option to save my life and not let cancer win. It was gut-wrenching to hear my surgeon say, “It's your only option because I can’t remove the cancer and leave you with anything that resembles a breast”. The decision to do a bilateral was one that Tim and I made together because we felt it was the best way to prevent me from having to go through the surgery again IF cancer ended up developing in my left breast after biopsy results came back as “high-risk pre-cancerous cells”. After surgery, we learned that it was the RIGHT decision. The weeks following my initial surgery were rough. Tissue expanders are not fun and almost like medieval torture devices. Yes, they served a purpose to make my remaining skin on my chest stretch enough to accept the silicone implants that I would eventually get. Yes, reconstruction was my choice. I could have remained flat, but I didn’t want to. The past nine months have been some of the most emotional 9 months for me. I have had bouts with horrible emotional breakdowns and horrible anxiety, painful muscle spasms, medication changes, and LOTS & LOTS of discomfort. It has been 9 months of looking at myself in the mirror and wondering what in the f_ck happened and why did it happen to me? This time last year, I was perfectly healthy and in the blink of an eye, it all changed. I now have horizontal scars across where my breasts used to be and have what are sometimes referred to as "Foobs" – I don’t know what I call them yet because they are not a part of me. I have no sense of feeling whatsoever in my chest. I have ripples from my implants. The skin on my chest is ALWAYS cold because silicone implants do not transfer body heat and I have soreness off and on all the time from my body adjusting to the foreign objects that replaced my true breast tissue. Having a mastectomy was a raw, life-altering, and emotional decision that we made. It was definitely NOT free.

So here I have this awesome sticker taped to my dressing table mirror along with my other 2 reminders that my scars are not a sign of the breast cancer and what it did to me, they are the markings of a brave a beautiful warrior who paid a very dear price to get them.