Diagnosis - 7/16/2020

Let me start by saying never in a million years did I think I would be creating a page like this for MYSEL

F or say the words "I have breast cancer" but I am and I do; so here goes!

I have ALWAYS had my annual mammograms done routinely. After I had the boys, I developed dense breast tissue and so I ju

st felt it was important to have them done and not let anything sneak up on me. I even went through a couple of years where I was having them done every 6 months to check my left side and keep an eye on things. I've had cysts aspirated and it's always been the

same thing "everything looks fine". There was ONE year that I skipped b/c we were in between Obamacare insurance and insurance through my job so I just let it slide. I caught grief from my OBGYN the next year that I shouldn't do that, that it was important to have them done. Since then I've always gone in and had them done.

Fast forward to 2020. COVID hit and everything shut down. When I got my reminder postcard in the mail I put it on the bulletin board to remind me to schedule. I wasn't due until after mid-June anyway so it wasn't like I was missing out on anything. As soon as things reopened, I figured I'd call to get an appointment.

I don't know what it's like to be big-chested. I have always had small breasts. I even said that mine didn't even get invited to the party when I was pregnant with the boys or nursing them, they didn't really change all that much it was kind of disappointing. Mammograms aren't enjoyable; we all know that, but to have my tiny breasts smashed between those plates is just excruciatingly painful! June 29th, I went in and had my annual screening mammogram done. I was told that the radiologist comes in on Tuesdays and Thursdays and that my images would be read then and if they needed to do anything additional they'd let me know. Well.....for the past 12 years (or maybe even longer) the routine is that I have my Mammogram done, I get the call a few days later saying "Mrs. Riley, the Radiologist read your Mammogram and there are a few spots that they want us to recheck so we need to schedule an ultrasound". Okay, no big deal. The first time scared me but after that, I've known it was just a precaution and everything would be fine so I expected the same this year. My mammogram was done on 6/29, on 7/2 I got the phone call to schedule the ultrasound but they couldn't do it until 7/14. I said that was fine and got on the calendar. Tim & I didn't stress over it, we didn't worry, we

knew it was just the normal routine. We didn't even think twice about it and I went by myself like always. When I got there, the Technician took me back and told me that they needed to do additional mammogram images first. They had never done that so I was a little taken back but went along with it. 2 more images were done and then we went to do the ultrasound. After the ultrasound was done, the Radiologist came in and looked at it and started to explain things to me and show me what she was seeing on the screen. I've gotten familiar with the cysts and dense tissue images so I knew what I was looking at. Then she moved to 2 different areas and said "this is what we are looking at today. These areas are what concern me. Do you have any history of breast cancer in your family?" My answer was "No" and has always been "No". She then proceeded to say "In order to see what we're dealing with I'd like to do a biopsy" to which I replied "okay, can I schedule it while I'm here today?" and got the answer "Oh no, we're going to do it right now. I'm going to let the nurses get everything ready and then we'll get started" and she left the room. At this point, the little red flags in my head started to rise and I started to worry because this wasn't the "usual routine" that I was accustomed to. As the nurse started to prep her tray of supplies she said "is there anyon

e that you want to call?" and I very promptly said "Yes, my husband, please? Can I get my phone out of my purse?". I called Tim and told him that something was not right and that they were doing a biopsy on 2 spots on my right side; my voice started to crack and I started to get scared. He asked if he needed to come and I told him no because he couldn't come into the room anyway. I told him I'd call him as soon as I was done. The biopsy was done (it was actually 6 core biopsies and man that was not fun). Cheryl, the sweet Nurse Navigator, patched me up, told me what to do when I got home and gave me her routine schpeal. She said it would be 2-3 days before they had the results and that either my OB would call or if the Breast Center got them, she was in on Tuesday & Thursday and that she would call me. She then started saying things like "and then we'll give you the names of Drs to follow up with and find out what the next steps are". At that point, I think I started to realize that this was NOT the normal routine and that there was something possibly wrong. I walked out and immediately called Tim in tears. "It hurt like hell and I think something is wrong," I told him. He was in the middle of an appointment and would be home as soon as he could

. I headed home and promptly tapped myself out of work for the rest of the day because I was not feeling up to doing much of anything but laying on the couch with ice in my bra.

Again, Tim & I just kept trying to keep a positive attitude and told each other that we didn't need to worry about anything until we heard something. Wednesday came and went, no word. Thursday came and went (or at least business hours did) and there was no word. Jack had a baseball tournament game in Washington, MO so Tim headed with him to that and I was home with Mason hanging out. I took advantage of the time to color my roots and just relax for the evening. Got my hair finished and washed and I wanted to take the dog for her walk BEFORE I dried my hair so we headed out a little before our normal time. With a towel wrapped around my head, I grabbed my phone, and Daisy and I headed out. I very rarely take my phone on my walk at night b/c it's just another thing to hold on to and since Jack's game hadn't started, I wouldn't be listening to it but SOMETHING made me take it with me. Daisy and I did our walk and as I turned the corner to start walking up our street my phone rang. It was 8:04 pm and I will remember it forever. I looked at the Caller ID and it said "St. Louis Breast Center" so I answered. Our conversation went like this:

Me: Hi this is Libby C: Hi Libby this is Cheryl, the Nurse Navigator from St. Louis Breast Center, how are you this evening? Me: Fine, how are you? C: I'm good, do you have a few minutes to talk? Me: Sure I'm just walking the dog. C: Do you want me to call you back? Me: No, I'm almost home, we can talk, this is fine C: Okay. Well........... (and then there was that long pregnant pause and my heart sank). We got your results back and they are not good. That's when my heart started to sink into my chest and I was afraid of what I was going to hear next Me: Can you give me a minute to get inside and sit down? C: Sure take your time I quickly got inside, sent Daisy on her way, and sat down at my desk with a note pad and pen and started to listen to Cheryl C: So I'm going to tell you what it is and then I'm going to spell it for you. Your biopsies came back positive in both spots for Infiltrating Ductile Carcinoma (and then she spelled it out for me and slowly went through the rest of the results with me.) I wrote everything down because I knew as soon as I got off the phone with her I was going to have to call Tim and tell him - somehow. The rest of our phone call was getting the names and numbers of Drs that they recommended that I follow up with and then she said "if you have ANY questions, please don't hesitate to call us and ask!". I thanked her for her call and hung up. OMG! I have breast cancer! Me? WTF! I'm not supposed to get breast cancer! and the tears started to flow. I immediately called Tim and as he answers the phone I hear a voice in the background say "Hi Libby!" and Tim says "Matt says Hi!". I so wanted to be at that baseball game because Jack's old teammates were playing the game before him and I'd see friends that we hadn't seen in a year! I asked Tim to step away from where he was so we could talk and broke down and told him. I can't imagine the gut-punch that I had just given my husband telling him that cancer had now entered OUR home. Mind you, we have just lost his Sister-In-Law, his oldest brother's wife, to pancreatic cancer in late October and then Tim's Mom to lung cancer in May so this was a little too freaky for us. Tim is my rock and my compass. He keeps me even and level headed and is my voice of reason more than not. After I finished talking, sobbing and almost hyperventilating, I heard him say "okay, we'll handle it, babe. We can do this." I knew not being at home when I got the news was very hard for him and he got home as soon as he could (Jack's team did not win their baseball game either which sucked). After I hung up the phone with Tim I went into the bathroom so that Mason could not hear me, and bawled my eyes out. Panic, fear, "oh shit" and so many other emotions swept over me in a super short period of time and then I dried my eyes, dried my hair (that I hadn't even done yet) and went out to decipher my notes that I had written so that I could talk coherently to Tim when he got home. Infiltrating Ductile Carcinoma - Grade 2 (not Stage) HER2- ER+ PR- KI-67 (tumor proliferative rate = 11% or medium) Spots are at 8 and 10 o'clock on the right breast Biopsies show no sign of being in the lymphatic system but that a Breast Surgeon would need to confirm Tim and Jack got home and we shared a glance with each other, Jack kissed me hello and then headed back to shower. I just needed a hug. I wanted Tim to hug me and tell me that everything was going to be okay. We sat and talked as quietly as we could and I shared everything with him. I told him that I had cried my tears and while I was scared to death, I knew that we could do this and it was now time to fight it. Tim and I have been through a lot of stuff in the 28 years that we've been together so I know that we can get through this too. It's going to be hard but we're going to do it - together as a team; like we always do! By the time we finished talking and just being with each other, it was midnight! Way past my bedtime! Needless to say, neither of us slept well but we know that there will be plenty of more nights like that.